I saw you at a party once Brenny. Did you, did you know that? That long before you came to me, came to me and Spencer and did your little Gollum impression, and played your little guitar, I knew your face? I saw you there, at that guy’s party, you know, the football guy, I was to high to remember which one it was, but they all look the same, so it doesn’t matter anyway. You were different though.

 Even under the influence of 4 lines and half a vodka bottle, you’re face glowed. Bright red glasses surrounded your big brown puppy eyes. I like your eyes, you know that Bear? They were big and bright. I hated you at that party. I think you were the only sober one there, too scared and innocent to accept a drink. But I, I wasn’t scared to take a drink. Or, maybe, maybe maybe, I was too scared not to take a drink. I don’t know, but either way I hated you.

So I stood up, tripping over some passed out bodies and tripping over the floor itself, and tripped my way over to you. You looked so scared when I fell over next to you, I laughed. I rose my hand and touched your pale pale pretty pale skin and your dark bangs and your bright red glasses but not your eyes, because you were crying by then. I think I broke your pretty eyes Brenny Bear because they were leaking then and a few minutes ago, but now they’re not. They’ve stopped. I wrapped my arm around you at that crazy party, and passed out. When I woke up you were gonegonegone and I was sadsadsad.

 The next day I was still coming down, falling down, low, down, and I saw you again, walking with Brent into a classroom. Brent isn’t a pretty name like Brenny Bear, Brendon Baby. Why were you with him I kept wondering? But now I know my little Bear was a year younger than me, 365 days younger. You’re birthday is in April though, so that can’t be right.

 I was tuning my baby, my guitar when you walked into Spencer’s grandma’s house. You played us a song and I knew you were right for me, us, the band, before you strummed the first chord. I knew you were amazing even then. You could play piano, guitar, drums, bass, saxophone, flute, and as I would learn the next week, you sung like an angel. My angel, you could be a one man band. Spencer warmed up to you quick enough. He had pretty blue eyes my Angel, and he told me things with them, but even they couldn’t compare to yours. Your pretty big eyes, are gone now, and it’s my fault.

Every day I saw you in the hallways and at our practice but it wasn’t enough. I sobbed into my pillow at night, maybe it was from my father, but I’m sure it was because you weren’t there to hold me, to let me hold you. My dad didn’t like me Brenny. He liked to see me cry though, and I think I got that from him. I like seeing people cry too, does that make me crazy Baby? Once, once my daddy threw me against a wall, and my head hurt. My head started crying, just like you, but my head cried red tears. My father yelled at me for staining the carpet, but I think he forgot before he could hit me again. I don’t remember. I do remember calling you, and just sobbing into the phone. I heard your concerned words. Ryan! Ryan, what’s wrong? What’s happened, where are you? Are you hurt? Ry- I hung up after that, and fell asleep.

When I woke up, I was in a white room in a white bed and you were next to me asleep. I think I should have been frightened, I never liked needles unless they got me higher than the coke or E could, but you were near me so I was happy. You look so peaceful when you sleep, unlike when you’re awake and hyper. My Angel…Your big brown eyes fluttered open, and I realized I said it out loud. My hand was wrapped around yours and you smiled at me. I think it was then I realized I loved you, but that sounds so cliché.

“My Angel, my Brenny…I think I, I love you….” Your eyes got even bigger, I didn’t think it was possible.

“R-Ry…I l-…like you too...” Like like like, you said like, and I said love. I ignored it though, and leaned forward to push my lips against your velvety soft ones. Your cheeks turned red, but you still kissed me back. We, we saw each other every day after that. You brought me to the park for our first date because I didn’t know where to bring you. After buying cider we sat down on a bench as you cuddled in close to me. Putting my head down on yours, I almost smiled on the inside. A few more dates and our relationship got stronger than most bonds I’d had in my entire life. After a while they blended together but a few stand out to me.

I took his virginity after we went skating on an ice rink. I took it and fucked it up against a wall, but I don’t think my Baby minds. Shortly after that, my world came crashing down. It was on our 23^rd date, I remember it well, that I decided what I had to do.

We went out to see a scary movie. Brenny hung on to my arm the whole time, and buried his little head in my chest when something jumped out. Afterwards, we went out to dinner. He ordered a salad and coke, sacrificing meat to save the animals. My Angel always was compassionate. I ordered some weird looking soup and water.

“Eat your soup Ry, you’re too skinny.” he said playfully. I raised my eyebrows and flung some soup at him. He gasped and ducked down, just in time, as it flew by him and hit the man behind him. Giggling behind his hand, Bren was having a hard time trying not to laugh loudly. That’s when it happened. The man we hit with the soup stood up. He was quite short for an adult. As he turned around and walked over to us, I saw his skin tight skinny jeans, a weird bat heart design on his hoodie, and his brown eyes eating the sight of Brenny’s pretty little figure up through his fringe bangs. He leaned down over our table, and only had eyes for my boyfriend.

“Hey, my name’s Pete. What’s yours, little cutie?” ‘Pete’ sweet talked my Brenny.

“Ehe, Brendon. N-nice to meet you”. My baby said, nervous that this man would be mad at him for the soup incident. Naïve little boy.

 “Nice ass kid. You legal?” Pete got straight into business, already planning to bring my Brenny home with him. He looked like a man whore, and he would probably tear my poor Brenny Bear apart when he fucked him. I wouldn’t give him the chance.

“ N-not yet, I will be in a year or so… “ My baby said, blushing and looking over at me. I slammed my fists down on the table.

“Get in the car, NOW baby.” I commanded. He hesitated, and looked at me nervously. I gave him another look, and he ran outside to the car, scared of what I might do. I grabbed the man whore by his collar, and slammed him against the wall.

“Listen bastard, and I’m gonna get right to the point, and I’m only gonna say it once. Never, and I mean, NEVER, come near me or my Angel again. You man whores are no good for him”. I growled. Pete grimaced and spat in my face.

“Kid, you don’t know a damn thing. I’ seen people like you before.” He said, looking down at my arms. I forgot to cover them up that night, and you could see where I had injected myself to fly up to the clouds.

“You think I’m no good for that kid? Well, you’re ten fucking times worse. One day you’re gonna do something stupid. Maybe you’ll OD. You’ll kill him if you do that, but somebody, someone will pick up his pieces. Or, maybe you’ll get drunk, too drunk. Maybe you’re judgment will lapse, and that kid will do something you don’t like. That, that’s were abuse starts. You’re gonna end up hurting him no matter what you do”. I dropped him, kicked him in the chest, wiped his disgusting spit off my face and walked outside to the car where my baby was waiting for me, patiently. I put on a fake smile for him, and drove him back to my house.

And that’s how we ended up here. I took another swig of the bottle as I stared down at him. When we got back to my house, my dad was long gone at some bar. I told my love to go wait upstairs for me. I grabbed a bottle of beer, and the shiny silver object I would use to make sure NOBODY would ever have my Brenny Bear, my baby, my angel, other than me. When I got up there, he gave me a questioning look. Before he could do anything, I pushed him down and unbuttoned his shirt.

 I made love to him for about a half hour. Between rounds, I would sneak a gulp of the liquor when he wasn’t looking. Finally, the alcohol got to me. I stopped loving him, and started fucking him. Hard and fast. While he was coming undone, I grabbed the other object I brought up. He looked afraid for a second, and then I did it. I kept fucking him afterwards. The blood ran down his body, and scarily enough it turned me on. I licked some off his chest, before groaning and finishing inside of him.

 I’m laying next to him now. His gorgeous eyes are all cloudy now. A single tear just rained down my face. I did this to my baby. My wonderful Angel is gone, and I was the one who did it. Nobody else would ever have him, not even me. I stared at the object, mostly coated in blood. My reflection is what I saw in it. I saw my eyes. They were different now. I carefully took the knife to my wrist. The blood soaking it is mine now. Our bodies still connected, physically, and by blood.

“We’ll be together forever Brenny Bear…forever….” I choked out. I took in a shaky breath, and looked at his perfect figure doused in the silver moonlight, and his lifeless eyes. I couldn’t bear staring into them anymore, so I brought my bloody fingers up to close them forever. Another shaky breath and I closed my eyes, thinking of my precious Angel, who I hoped to see soon, away from anyone who would ever tear us apart.

A/N: *hides* I ish scared that it sucked!

Disclaimer: Like I said before, I don't own any of the panic boys. I'm not making profit off of this. Also, I'm not saying that Mr. Ross ever touched his son in a violent way, I'm also not saying that Ryan Ross does drugs, nor that he dated and killed Brendon Urie.